Social Psychology Insights

Sometimes, another person’s good news changes how you feel about an ordinary day.

A colleague gets a job you would have wanted. A friend takes a trip you cannot afford. Someone you grew up with seems certain about a future you are still trying to work out.

You were content a moment ago. Now you are reconsidering your plans, questioning your progress, or feeling an unexpected urge to do more.

These moments show how social comparison can enter daily life. Another person becomes a reference point, and something that felt satisfying begins to look different. That shift may bring encouragement, disappointment, curiosity, or a mixture of all three.

Comparing yourself to others can influence your behavior through the meaning you give to the differences you notice. Someone’s achievement may suggest a path forward or make your own efforts feel inadequate. How you interpret the comparison can shape what follows.

What is social comparison?

Social comparison means evaluating some aspect of yourself in relation to other people. You might compare abilities, opinions, appearance, income, relationships, or progress toward a goal.

Psychologist Leon Festinger set out a foundational theory in 1954: people have a drive to evaluate their opinions and abilities, and other people can provide reference points when objective information is unavailable. His theory also connected comparison with pressures toward agreement within groups.

That makes comparison more understandable than the usual advice to “just stop comparing” suggests. Other people sometimes provide useful information. Watching an experienced colleague handle a difficult conversation can teach you something. Hearing how other beginners struggled can help you judge your own progress more fairly.

The difficulty begins when a limited observation becomes a sweeping verdict: “They did this better” turns into “I am falling behind at life.”

Upward, downward, and lateral comparison

Researchers commonly distinguish three directions of comparison:

Comparison	What it means	Everyday example
Upward	Comparing with someone you perceive as better off on a particular dimension	Measuring your presentation against an accomplished speaker’s
Downward	Comparing with someone you perceive as worse off	Feeling reassured because another person struggled more with the same task
Lateral	Comparing with someone you see as roughly similar	Asking a colleague at your level how long a project took

These describe the direction of a comparison, not its emotional outcome. “Upward” does not automatically mean damaging, and “downward” does not automatically mean reassuring. Someone ahead of you might represent a possibility or an impossible standard. Someone struggling might offer perspective or remind you of a setback you fear.

Also, these rankings concern a particular dimension. A person can earn more than you without being “ahead” of you as a human being.

1. Comparison can change whether you try

Imagine two people looking at the same successful writer.

One thinks: “She started where I am. Maybe I could learn how she did it.”

The other thinks: “If that is what good writing looks like, there is no point in showing anyone mine.”

Research by Penelope Lockwood and Ziva Kunda helps explain this difference. Their studies found that outstanding role models could inspire more positive self-views when their achievements were personally relevant and seemed attainable. When comparable success seemed out of reach, the effects could instead be discouraging.

The finding concerns self-views and inspiration; it does not establish that every inspiring comparison leads to lasting effort. Still, it offers a useful way to understand everyday reactions: a role model is easier to learn from when you can see a plausible route toward improvement.

If someone’s success unsettles you, try identifying the missing information. What skills did they develop? How long did it take? What support did they have?

You may discover a useful next step. You may also discover that their outcome depends on resources or circumstances you do not share. Both discoveries are more informative than treating the difference as proof of personal inadequacy.

2. Envy can lead toward improvement or harm a relationship

Envy is uncomfortable to admit, especially when the other person is someone you like. A friend gets an opportunity you wanted, and you feel pleased for them and disappointed for yourself.

Those feelings can coexist.

Some research distinguishes between benign envy, which involves wanting to improve your own position, and malicious envy, which involves wanting to bring the other person down.

Across four studies, Niels van de Ven and colleagues examined these emotions alongside admiration. Benign envy was associated with motivation to study more and, in some studies, better performance on a word-association task. In one experiment, an upward comparison prompted benign envy and improved performance when participants believed improvement was attainable.

Other experiments show a less constructive possibility. Anna Maria Behler and colleagues found that participants induced to feel envy were less helpful in a dropped-pencil task. In another experiment, envious participants assigned more difficult puzzles to another person in a competitive setup.

These are specific laboratory behaviors. They cannot tell us how a particular person will treat a friend after hearing good news. But they show why social comparison matters beyond private feelings: an emotional response can sometimes affect how we treat someone else.

A useful everyday question is: “Do I want to build something for myself, or do I want this person to have less?”

You do not have to like the answer immediately. Noticing it gives you a chance to choose your response.

3. Comparison can make a friendship feel like a competition

A friend’s success may be easy to celebrate in one area and surprisingly difficult in another.

Perhaps their running achievements delight you, but their professional recognition stings. If your career is central to your identity, that difference makes sense. Lockwood and Kunda’s research highlights the importance of personal relevance: exceptional achievement is more likely to affect self-views when it concerns something that matters to the observer.

In daily life, that might show up as changing the subject, making a minimizing joke, or feeling reluctant to ask about the achievement. These are illustrative possibilities, not a checklist established by that study.

The helpful move is to separate the relationship from the verdict you are drawing about yourself.

“My friend got something I want” describes a situation.

“My friend’s success proves I am failing” adds an interpretation.

You can congratulate someone sincerely while privately acknowledging disappointment. You can also give yourself a little time before having a longer conversation. Warmth does not require pretending you have no complicated feelings.

4. Social media can change your reference point

Social media puts many potential comparison targets within reach. In a few minutes, you can encounter someone’s promotion, another person’s holiday, and somebody else’s polished creative work.

A subtle problem follows: you may start expecting yourself to match a collection of strengths that no single person possesses.

Research by Erin Vogel and colleagues examined social comparison and self-esteem on Facebook. In a correlational study, more frequent use was associated with lower self-esteem, with upward comparison implicated in that relationship. In an experiment, participants viewing profiles containing upward comparison information reported lower immediate self-esteem and less favorable relative self-evaluations than those viewing downward comparison information.

The distinction between the studies matters. The correlation does not prove Facebook use caused lower self-esteem. The experiment supports a short-term effect of the particular profiles shown; it does not establish lasting harm from all social media use.

It also measured self-evaluation, not whether participants subsequently withdrew from friends, spent money, or worked harder.

For everyday purposes, consider what happens after you encounter particular content. Does it help you learn something? Do you reach out to someone? Or do you leave with a vague, urgent sense that your whole life needs upgrading?

That observation will not prove causation. It can still help you decide what deserves your attention.

5. Comparison can influence what feels normal

Comparison is not always about wanting to be the best. Sometimes you are trying to work out what is expected.

Is everyone answering messages at night? How much preparation does this task usually require? Is it acceptable to disagree in this group?

Festinger’s original theory linked social comparison with opinion evaluation and pressures toward uniformity. In ordinary life, that offers a useful lens for noticing how a group can become your reference point.

A new employee might start staying late because colleagues do. A student might stop asking questions because everyone else appears confident. These examples illustrate a possible process; they are not evidence that comparison explains every instance of conformity.

There may be real expectations, incentives, or consequences involved. But it is still worth asking: “Has someone actually asked this of me, or am I inferring the rule from what I see?”

That question can make an assumed standard visible enough to evaluate.

How to make social comparison more useful

The following suggestions are practical applications of the research, not a treatment program tested together. Their purpose is to help you get more specific about the comparison and more deliberate about what follows.

Name exactly what you are comparing

Replace “Everyone is doing better than me” with a narrower statement:

“My colleague has more experience presenting to clients.”

“My friend has more disposable income.”

“This person’s work received more attention than mine.”

Specific comparisons are easier to investigate. They also leave less room for turning one difference into a judgment about your entire life.

Look for a relevant comparison

Two people can be the same age and have very different starting points, responsibilities, health, opportunities, and access to support.

Before treating someone’s outcome as a benchmark, ask what makes the comparison informative. Their methods might be useful even when their timeline is not.

You do not need to invent hidden problems in their life to make yours feel acceptable. You only need to acknowledge what you do not know.

Turn the outcome into a process question

“What do they have that I don’t?” can lead to a long, painful inventory.

“What did they do that I could realistically learn?” is more likely to produce something actionable.

For a presentation, that might mean studying how they structure an opening. For a creative project, it might mean asking how they organize practice. Choose one behavior you can try, then judge whether it helps.

Choose your next social action deliberately

After an uncomfortable comparison, pause before responding to the person involved.

You might congratulate them, ask a sincere question, or take a little time to settle your feelings. Try to avoid making your first reaction responsible for the entire interaction.

Feeling threatened and behaving unkindly are different things. The space between them is worth protecting.

Keep a personal measure of progress

Other people can provide useful reference points, but you can also track changes in your own behavior.

Are you finishing work you used to avoid? Asking clearer questions? Recovering from mistakes more quickly? Making time for relationships you value?

These measures will not answer every question about performance. They can help you notice progress that a public ranking would miss.

What the science can, and cannot, tell us

Social comparison research includes theories, laboratory experiments, surveys, and studies of everyday experiences. These methods answer different questions.

An experiment can test a short-term effect under controlled conditions. A survey can identify associations but may leave the direction of influence uncertain. A study of self-esteem does not, by itself, demonstrate a change in generosity, persistence, or friendship.

Research on comparisons in daily life also faces measurement challenges: comparisons vary in target, topic, context, and meaning, and researchers do not always assess them in the same way.

The evidence supports taking social comparison seriously. It does not support treating every difficult feeling as its consequence, or predicting your behavior from a single comparison.

Frequently asked questions

Why do I keep comparing myself to others?

Other people offer reference points for evaluating abilities, opinions, and progress. That is part of the appeal of comparison. A recurring comparison may also concern something especially important to you. It is worth identifying that concern rather than assuming the habit reflects a character flaw.

Is comparing yourself to others always bad?

No. It can provide information, identify skills to learn, and make improvement feel possible. It becomes less useful when the comparison is poorly matched to your circumstances or turns a specific difference into a global judgment about your worth.

Can social comparison change how I treat people?

It can. Experiments on envy have found effects on helping and harmful task choices in particular settings. Those findings show a possible interpersonal consequence, not an inevitable reaction to another person’s success.

How can I stop comparing myself to others on social media?

A more workable aim may be to reduce comparisons that repeatedly leave you stuck. Notice which content triggers them, consider muting it, and choose what you want to do before opening an app. Treat these changes as personal experiments rather than guaranteed solutions.

Someone else’s achievement can be worth celebrating, worth learning from, and difficult to hear about all at once. You do not need to force those feelings into a simpler story. The useful question is what you want to do next.